They Laughed at Jules Verne

Information at Our Fingertips
With the advent of the smart phone, we were able to close the gap between the unknown and the known—to a point. Now, there is never something that I do not know for longer than a few seconds; minutes at most. I have come to rely on my thumbs’ ability to dial into the vast databases of Google and pull out satisfactory information to relieve my curiosity.

The Google Brain Chip
While working at Google, I was always very clear with anyone working on “leading edge products” that I wanted to be the first to sign up for the Google Brain Chip—something I read about in science fiction novels and forums, and therefore assumed must be on the near technological horizon. I like to have information, and the faster the better. A sense of knowing gives me ease.

Whether or not Google has any plans to create something that will give your brain an instant feed to the Internet is beyond me. Those plans, algorithms, and back alley board rooms were “above my pay grade.” And maybe that’s for the best. Not having access to that kind of technology has allowed me to dive into what the human mind might be capable of sans any external technology.

Consciousness as a Technology
Much of my reading in the area of consciousness—our strange ability to know our own thoughts and understand them—leads me to believe that what is possible is not necessarily limited by the technology we have available to us, but rather, by our ability to bridge the gap in belief between what isn’t and what could be.

I’m of the mindset that our higher consciousness and mind have access to infinite universal information natively as they exist, right now. We just aren’t asking the right questions, or exploring the mind in the right way. For me, I believe that the future of technology will be the direct result of the pioneers of consciousness—those experimenting far beyond what is currently possible with mind, body, and spirit.

Asking New Questions
This experimentation, or hacking of the body, mind, spirit dynamic, requires that we ask and test new hypotheses and theory. We have to start asking new questions. In nearly every religion, doctrine points to the need to ask spirit for help. Whether it’s praying, meditating, accessing creative source, or just asking your intuitive self; asking is the first step to finding an answer.

There have been enough completely random and amazing synchronicities in my life, that I firmly believe that when you ask, the answer is given. By whom is irrelevant to this conversation. I know the answers exist, and I want them. I like being on the leading edge. I like pushing the limits of what is possible.

So, in an effort to start finding some new answers. I’m going to start asking some new questions, and then look for answers from the Universe. Perhaps these answers already exist, and I’ll just be directed to them. Perhaps a reader of this blog will be able to provide some insight to a few or all of these questions. Perhaps I’ll walk outside and a burning bush will give me the skinny on everything I am asking. Regardless, I expect that these answers will begin to form in a way that I can understand them the moment I start asking.

Some of my questions are about the future of technology. Some of them are just about how to live a better, more fulfilling life. Ultimately, I believe the two are linked.

Some questions for the Universe

• Can we change our physical, mental, and spiritual abilities just by believing the change is possible? Is superstition just a construct for us to access the belief needed to perform at a higher level?
• Is ANYTHING really possible with the correct mindset?
• Will the next big jump in technological advance be in the field of quantum mechanics?
• Many intuitive mediums point to telepathic thought as the next technology. What would this look like on a mass scale? Would this allow for telekinesis to be possible?
• Are we capable of manifesting anything by altering only our belief system, or are there some things that require a consensus of the majority? (i.e. acting outside the Laws of Physics as they currently exist)
• Is there such thing as a good addiction, or is relying on an external substance (coffee, alcohol, chocolate, drugs, sugar, etc) for something just a limited belief that we cannot achieve a certain feeling without the substance?
• If time and space are mathematically an illusion, do we have access to past/future lives that we are living concurrently? What is the best way to access that information?
• Is it possible for everyone to have access to psychic or intuitive thought and ability?
• Is it easier to manifest something which someone else has created in the past, or with the right mindset, can we come up with something entirely new to this planet just as easily? How do we tap into those “new thoughts” that have never existed on this physical plane before?
• How important are shapes or ratios energetically when we are building or designing a structure, diet, medicine, or just rearranging the furniture? Is geometric “God Math” something we should be implementing more into our daily lives?
• Are there external things that we can take which will elevate our level of consciousness and the speed with which we can access Universal intelligence? Or are external supplements and the like just a way to convince our mind that something is possible?
• I can take supplements, change my diet, and workout every single day and expect that I will begin to see positive changes is my physique and emotional status. Are these physical and emotional changes available solely through meditation or prayer without the external action? Is the action only required when we believe it is required? Can we think our way into anything with the right belief system?
• Research like The China Study shows us evidence that eliminating meat and dairy from our diets makes us healthier and eliminates things like cancer. Do we have to accept this data? Or is personal health just that—more personal? Can we convince ourselves that for “me” that isn’t so? For ME, I will eat whatever I want and feel amazing and look amazing and live a long life. Does what we put in our body play a significant role on our health, or is it just our belief of how our body will respond to the food that creates the change; positive or negative?
• How far can we really go with “body hacks” in this physical reality? Is there a “body consciousness” that will give us guidance on how to achieve certain desired results through various practices?
• Is it at all helpful to do community service just because we feel an obligation? Do we owe anything to anyone?
• Can our own selfishness be of benefit to others? Do we do more harm than good when we try and meddle in others affairs?
• Are humans inherently bad?
• Should we just ignore the traits that we dislike in ourselves and others? Is it beneficial to ignore everything bad and only focus on that which is pleasing to us? Does our acknowledgement of another’s suffering ever serve us?
• Is it possible to restore any relationship, no matter how out of alignment, to a place of leading edge excitement, exploration, and adventure? Or do we sometimes get signs that our “perfect relationship” is elsewhere and that it is necessary for us to walk away so we can experience the thing we desire elsewhere? Could our “perfect relationship” really be with anyone, if we had the right mindset?

That’s probably a good start. I’ll start looking for signs that point me towards the answers for each of these. Something tells me a little self-experimentation is in order, and I’ll be sure and document it all and share. When we see “miraculous events” like daughters lifting up trucks to save their fathers, humans chanting to spontaneously cure cancer using the technology of emotion, or just channeling higher thought to find answers, we must start asking ourselves—could my natural abilities be greater than I ever imagined? What fun it will be to find out how much ability we can actually access in this lifetime.

Let the great experiment begin!

What questions are you asking the Universe? What information do you wish you had? Ask the sky, a lamp, the Universe, God, or just yourself the questions you want answers to and then don’t be surprised if you start uncovering things you never thought possible. Let’s see how far we can push the limits of leading edge possibility. The future of technology might have been inside us all along.

UPDATE: Funny how the Universe works. I linked to the below video in the above text, but after publishing this post, realized that I hadn’t actually watched the documentary in its entirety. I felt compelled to drop everything I was doing and watch it from beginning to end. I just couldn’t get it out of my head. And I started to wonder why I had been so adamant with myself about using THIS video in the text above, even though I was obviously not well-acquainted with its content.

Wow. What a wonderful and refreshing look at spirituality. If you have a chance, I’d encourage you to watch this in its entirety. Interesting how many of the questions above are directly addressed. Grateful to be a part of a community that frequently posts videos and content like this for upliftment, knowledge, and greater understanding. Enjoy!

“We all have our own closets to come out of.” —Judith Light

The thrill of the roller coaster and the story told afterwards are directly related to the anticipation one has built up before hand. We know that there must be slow uphill crawls in order for us to experience the fast-paced thrills we experience with hands in the air, mouths open for the cameras. Without an uphill climb, there can be no downhill momentum. This is physics. This is how the universe works.

There’s another key element at play here, though. And it’s one of marketing. Roller coasters, like great BBQ, automatically seem better when you have to wait in a long line to experience them. You don’t wait in line for hours to be disappointed. You find the excitement in it all. Great marketing builds anticipation, so that after you experience the product, you know what story to tell. It was…

The Largest
The Tallest
The Fastest
The Darkest

These are all marketing messages designed to do two things. The first is more obvious, 1) Get people to ride the new ride. The second however is a bit more subtle, 2) Give people the story they are to tell their friends when they get home. “It was the biggest coaster in Texas, Jon! Fastest too!” There is not only the thrill of the ride, but the feeling of satisfaction achieved afterwards. We waited. We rode. We lived to tell the story.

I’ve been frustrated lately (probably TOO frustrated) because I’ve been in the waiting period of the roller coaster. I got the park map, I picked the ride I wanted to get on, but now I’m baking in the sun, listening to metaphorical crying children wail in their strollers, while I wait to pull the trigger on a “Mach 3 Adventure of a Lifetime.” Maybe I’ve been a little too frustrated, but the Universe and I had a long chat the last few days. It went something like:

Me: Hey, Universe!
Universe: How can I help you, sir?
Me: What’s the hold up!? Let’s get this thing started!
Universe: Sir, everyone who waits in line gets to ride. Please be patient.
Me: I’ve been waiting too long already! Let me talk to your manager.
Universe: Sir, I am the manager. Just give us a few more minutes. We’ve got our best people up here making sure the ride is going to be one you won’t forget.
Me: Alright—but I’ve got my eye on you!

When put in that context, it seems pretty damn rude of me to be calling out the Universe like that. But, I really wanted to know—Why hasn’t the ride started? The answer that I got back was perfectly orchestrated from all sides. A dear friend who I don’t see nearly enough of gave me some great advice. In a nutshell, he told me that I needed to drop my ego, stop living in the books that I’m reading, and go experience the world. Live your philosophy, don’t preach it!

Oh, duh. I felt pretty silly.

The second strategic move by the universe was throwing together a multiple affront when I was randomly introduced to this guy and his brilliantly humorous and spot on writing by three different people. After tearing through one of his books in one night, I Was Blind But Now I See, I took away a few things:

• I’ve got to stop pretending that I’m so smart and start listening to the things others can teach me.
• Pretend to be the least intelligent person in the room and you will learn something from everyone.
• I need to get better at asking for help and advice. Humility!
• I need to learn by doing, not by studying what someone else did. Live, DAMMIT!
• I need to diversify the books I read, people I hang out with, and places I go. Find new perspective!

It was clear to me. I needed to come out of the closet. The picture above is the tiny office space that I do my reading, writing, studying, meditating, praying, and cursing in. I have basically lived in this closet the last six months trying to figure out the universe, myself, build a product, launch a blog, book, etc. But, I forgot to do one thing—LIVE!

Today, I decided I would come out of the closet. The universe had me surrounded from all sides and wouldn’t stop signaling.

Friend #1: Jon, do you want to come and play disc golf? Might be a good chance to get out of your head.
Me: Yes.

Friend #2: Jon, come on over, I want to talk about our new project. Let’s go to dinner. You available?
Me: Yes.

Today, I started saying Yes to life, again. And what was so interesting was that the second I was ready to say yes mentally, I had the opportunity to say it. Living in my closet had put me in a zone where I wasn’t an energetic match to socialization and the brillance and joy that comes along with it.

I started living again, tonight. Nothing crazy; dinner and conversation. But, what an amazing night! Dinner with great friends who had the exact words I needed to hear to get back into the flow of momentum. Inspiration was all around me. In one night, I was able to have amazing conversations with:

• Mike Hrostoski, whose personal development blog is inspiring, but the guy is doing it. He’s living his dream, working from wherever he wants. He inspired me!
• Neville Medhora, who is a copywriting wizard and a part of the AppSumo team that is distributing amazing products while “printing money,” as Dane Maxwell put it this evening.
• Which brings me to Dane Maxwell, founder of The Foundation and an all around internet marketing prince. Another guy living his dream and helping others to do the same.
• David Gonzalez, the power house connector and founder of Internet Marketing Party
• Billy Murphy, the brains and power behind Forever Jobless
• Camryn Little, who is like a wise goddess, owning her modeling career right now, and running it smart, like a business
• And of course, Gilbert Quinones, my business partner, and a man that has taught me what true focus looks like in real life

These are not guys that I hang out with all of the time. I haven’t seen some of them in six years. It was a completely random meeting. The Universe was showing off! UNIVERSE! You magnificent connector! As Owen Wilson’s character, John Beck, put it in Wedding Crashers, “I’m an idea man, I thrive on enthusiasm!” And it’s true! I sit in my closet and I write down idea after idea. Marketing, branding, products, book ideas, short stories, essays, philosophy. I don’t want my “idea muscle” to atrophy, so I was scared to ever shut it off. I stayed in the closet and slowly, I started going crazy.

But, these guys. These guys (and gals), the ones above, are all doing it. They are out there living their dreams. Executing on ideas. Making shit happen. And when I said Yes to life. When I went out in the world and actually experienced it. I found myself sharing conversations with all of these amazing people. The universe was just rolling its eyes at me, as if to say, “I told you so, sir.” It was brilliant.

Venting all of my anger and frustration really was therapeutic for me. It allowed me to get some energy moving again. To line up with the Universe in a way that allowed me to gain some new perspective. And I did, and it was great advice. Go live your life! Get out of the closet!

For so long, I thought that you had to put on an image of success every single day, but as came up in several conversations tonight; living your truth is much more attractive in the long term, than living a lie. I didn’t want to go back into the real world until I had achieved a level of success that would justify all the time I’ve spent in the closet. I wanted to say, “See, I was building THIS.” But, who cares! THIS isn’t worth it if you’re miserable.

I came out of the closet tonight. It was grand. Living life feels good. Life is a roller coaster—man, has it been a roller coaster for me, lately. But, I already know the story I want to tell. The line was long and the climb was hard, but the experience was incredible. I can’t wait to do it, again.

Pools of sweat fall down the sides of my unkempt face as the heart monitor surges through 190 beats per minute. My legs move in swift, aggressive circles like a locomotive hurdling down open track. An off-balance kink in the footing of the machine shrieks out grotesquely with every downstroke. I’m taking a flame thrower to my past; Cobain administering shock therapy as he screams venom in my ear:

I’m afraid
I’m afraid
I’m afraid
I’m afraid
I’m afraid
‘fraid, of a GHOST!!!!!!

Everything I’ve ever hated or ever will hate flows through me like spewing magma, venting then hiding secrets in the scolded black earth. My legs are battering rams leveling tyrant administrative buildings. The shrieks from the machine get louder; uncomfortable. My fellow gym rats are starting to stare. My fist goes up in the air, firing in perfect succession with the shrieking.

I WILL FUCKING MURDER THIS ELLIPTICAL MACHINE.

—

I haven’t done a very good job at channeling my rage in the past. I usually let it fester for days, weeks, months, years. I let it get to the point where it’s so uncomfortable that I either burn something to the ground, or passive aggressively express it in my body by manifesting some debilitating pain (backache, toothache, headache…) or terrible event (car accident, job firing, relationship tragedy, or substance abuse bender). These things have happened in my life in cycles with almost clockwork style precision. My rage has to go somewhere, and when I don’t deal with it head on, it finds other means of expressing itself.

Why am I so pissed off?

I’m mad that removing dodgeball from schools is even up for consideration. I’m mad that this is even deemed newsworthy. I’m mad that some idiots out there think that this is going to actually decrease and prevent events like the Columbine and Sandy shootings from happening. I’m mad that I turned on the television long enough to even know this was happening.

I’m mad that I was lied to by so many people when I was growing up about what being an adult was like. I’m mad that so much emphasis was put on going to college and getting a “good job.” I’m mad that I didn’t go to college because I wanted to spite the people who told me it was so important. I’m mad that I spent so much of my twenties trying to prove that I was just as good a candidate for employment—better—than most of the people I knew who graduated from college.

I’m mad that I felt like I had to get hired at Google to feel validated in NOT going to college. I’m mad that my not going to college was ever even put into question, given I had so much relevant experience. I’m mad that working at Google didn’t turn out to be as awesome as I thought it would, even though it started off as amazing. I’m mad that I spent so much time in a cubicle, when I swore to myself that I would never do that. I’m mad that even now after quitting my job, I second-guess if it was the right decision constantly—even though I know it was.

I’m mad that I can’t seem to find my voice, yet, even though I’ve been trying my entire life. I’m mad that I’ve been such a shitty friend to almost everyone I’ve ever cared about. I’m mad that I’ve spent so much time worrying about things that don’t matter AT ALL. I’m mad that I don’t have the guts to leave my cush’ apartment lease and life to hitch-hike around the country, much less the world. I’m mad that I’ve never legitimately been able to use my passport since I got it. I’m mad that I’ve spent more time in books the last six months than actually living.

I’m mad that I feel guilty just thinking about going out and having a beer. I’m mad that I still don’t have a real residual stream of income, even though I know exactly what I should do to get it. I’m mad that I care so much about what other people think. I’m mad that in trying to dismiss everyone else’s dogma, I ended up creating my own.

I’m mad that the mainstream media only exists to sell advertising, never to actually inform me of anything. I’m mad that I can’t turn on the television without someone telling me that everything is going to shit. I’m mad that it took me so long to realize that honesty actually is the best policy. I’m mad that I feel bad for breaking up with an awesome girl, even though I know it was the right choice. I’m mad that we’re not friends anymore.

I’m mad that some idiot put in my brain as a kid that owning a Cadillac was more important than enjoying your life. I’m mad that I believed him. I’m mad that it’s been such a struggle to pay my rent each month. I’m mad that my leasing office makes me feel like a criminal in my own home. I’m mad that I have to pay so much money in taxes to a government that is ruining my future. I’m mad that I can’t translate what I think in my head to what I know in my body. I’m mad that I haven’t followed my gut more often, even as I type this sentence.

But mostly, I’m mad that I still haven’t found a project that I can sink my entire being into. Something I can feel, know, and become, so passionately, that it fucking consumes me.

So, yeah—I’m mad about a few things. And that’s okay.

Because what I do know and fully expect is that I will solve all of these problems and more through creative innovation. I understand that the only time a problem cannot be solved is when the numbers are being crunched by a lazy mind. So, I’m asking for solutions; for ideas. For the words to express what burns inside of me.

But, I don’t expect it all to magically change overnight. So, while I wait, I’m trying to find ways to funnel off some of the frenetic energy. I’m making playlists full of songs that spoke to my teenage angst and running up and down the Eastside streets of Austin at midnight, jumping up and down, throwing rocks at walls, kicking cans into gutters. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs from the tops of parking garages. I’m writing hate letters to people who disgust me and then burning them as I watch the angry flames lick up at the sky. I’m watching sad movies and crying because I never allowed myself to cry before—and it feels fucking good.

I’m murdering home workout equipment. And then—I’m writing.

I’m using any creative outlet I can find to try and communicate the thing that’s inside me. I don’t even know what it is because I haven’t found the means to say it. But, I’m writing. I’m drawing. I’m screaming. I’m singing. I’m making stupid fucking beats in Garage Band. I’m yelling curse words into my computer monitor. And then I’m writing some more.

I’ve got some rage. For the first time, I’m not putting a Band-Aid on it and pretending that nothing’s there—I’m feeling it. I’m letting it seethe in my veins. Then, I’m transmuting it into creative fuel. I’m letting the wrathful beast that dwells within me sprout wings, and together, we’re finding new heights. And then, when I crawl into bed at night, I sink into sleep like a stone in water.

When I wake up, I’m not so mad anymore.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, the world around us is constantly giving us feedback. Sometimes it is constructive criticism, other times it is so in your face that you want to punch the person in front of you. Every now and then we consciously ask for this feedback, but more often than not, it happens on a more energetic level. Reality is a mirror. It shows us the way we are living and magnifies it in form.

Over the past week, I’ve been working on a new eBook that I’ll be releasing through this blog entitled, A Guide to Creative Living. I wanted people to give me feedback before I released it to the public. I very carefully selected a handful of people whose discernment and opinion I valued. I then sent out my pet project and waited for a response. Please like it. Please like it. Please like it.

To my great relief, the guide was well-received, but along with the kudos I received, a few people also sent me some very honest constructive criticism—and I flipped over a desk. Alright, maybe that’s an overstatement, but I was physically and emotionally disturbed that anyone had anything that they would want to change to “my baby.” Wasn’t it perfect, already?

Sometimes, we don’t really want honest feedback, we want someone to tell us how great we are. This is why it’s so hard to believe that our thoughts and beliefs create the world around us—we don’t want to accept that we’re not already perfect. We don’t want to accept that there might be something about ourselves that we could or should change. And so we live our life ignoring all the signals that are given to us that might make our lives a million times better. We bask in our petty self-aggrandizement and refuse to evolve.

This week, I received some truly fantastic advice and feedback on my new eBook. I feel very blessed to have such talented and inspiring people in my life, who feel comfortable enough with themselves and with me to provide an honest opinion. After I threw my temper tantrum, I realized that their advice was not only valid, but it made my book better. They helped me see some of the areas where I was showing insecurity. They helped me understand that the book is about the reader, not the author. They helped me realize that there is always room for improvement.

Take a look around at the feedback reality is giving you. It’s a loving signpost of the areas you can improve upon and the things that are working flawlessly. It’s a mirror to how you’re living. When we learn to accept constructive feedback, we learn to evolve.

When we do something that speaks to our personal truth, it provides a light that others can see. The light does not have a neon sign on it that says, do what I just did, though. Instead, it takes a room that was once dark and illuminates it. If one standing near chooses to see that which we have directed our attention towards, they can. But, the light now also illuminates many other things in the room. It illuminates new perspective. This is how inspiration works; it is the light in the room. I like to think inspiration might be our role and soul purpose, if we were to ever define it, on this planet.

I’m a firm believer that there can and are many paths that can lead to the same place. We each form our belief systems based on the very personal experiences that we’ve had in our life and past lives (if you’re a past life believer). The goal that each of us is striving for is to find our own truth and sense of knowing.

Truth is subjective based on the life you have lived. Your idea of truth might be completely different were you handed another’s life experiences, or given the opportunity to truly “walk a mile in their shoes.” This is the reason so many religions have historically led to hatred, war, and worse; it’s two groups of people with completely different worldviews trying to force their version of truth on someone else. It’s a battle of semantics.

Force being the operative word, though. How often have you felt a sense of loyalty, reverence, or compassion when someone is forcing you to do something against your will? I’d venture to say that it has never happened. Force is the product of fear. Even if that fear seems justified, forcing your own beliefs on someone else is still using force.

Now let’s get back to inspiration. To truly create a paradigm shift of thought, it is much more effective to inspire others into action; into their own seeking. For those who are not seeking answers cannot be knowing. The best argument anyone ever gave me for religion was to ask the sky, “God, are you there?.” As a former Christian, this seemed ridiculous to me—hadn’t I already done this?—until I swallowed my pride and gave it a shot.

What happened next was rather incredible: books started falling off shelves, pills started flying out of cabinets, and synchronicity ran rampant in my life. When there are winged and haloed androgynous beings standing before you, it’s hard to argue about who’s beliefs are correct—but, of course, that’s only if you see angels. Some people feel a presence, others hear voices, all are interpreting multidimensional energy the best way they know how. For me, all of those things led me to my own understanding of what God, The Universe, Christ consciousness, and Creative Source was and is. Your beliefs are the ones you are experiencing. The most productive thing I ever asked was, “God, are you there?” and then trusted with a “mustard seed of faith” that something or someone might reveal itself.

In subjective reality, the only thing you have direct control over is your own perspective and experience. It is not your job to convince other people that your beliefs should be their beliefs. It is counter-productive to try and force thoughts onto another because you’re afraid they might not go somewhere nice when they die. Worse, it’s a disservice to everyone if your service is a way to cover up how guilty you feel about your own life. It’s the blind leading the blind. The hypocrisy of organized religion almost ruined spirituality for me, until I realized that religion is too often used for mass consumption and control, but Spirit is personal. What the church does is not a representation of God, it is a representation of man’s idea of God. Personal interpretation will vary.

I’ve struggled with this more than anyone. I like to be right. I used to always be the one in the corner arguing that I was correct in my beliefs. But that always led to two people even more divided than when they began. This blog started as a way for me to discuss my personal journey through consciousness and spirit in a non-abrasive format; you could tune in if you wanted to. What it led to was a way for me to find my own truth. Now, it inspires me day after day, as readers from around the world send in messages of encouragement and their own success stories in the arena of truth-seeking.

Inspiration is how we affect positive change. We send it out as a frequency by living our truth and letting others do what they will with it. This is the basis of great art. This is the basis of creative living. We do not measure how much of a difference we are making in other people’s lives, but how much understanding we have gained in our own. In the game of hearts and minds, truth is an inspiration to the heart. When we inspire with our light instead of our words, when we leave semantics at the door, and when we operate from a level of love instead of doctrine, we change the world. Live your integrity without judgement and watch truth ripple throughout the world. That’s a hard lesson to understand, but I’m starting to see the light and it’s inspiring.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

The plane was what I imagine drugs from South America are brought over the border in—metal bucket seats with a 5-point shoulder harness that held you to the barren cabin walls. A giant sliding door, slightly rusted and dented, separated us from the open air of 13,000 feet—the earth like so many model train sets beneath us. When the instructor finally pulled the door open, the cabin was filled with the guttural sound of life flying by at 100 miles per hour. As I jumped from the plane and found myself in free fall, plummeting towards the earth at 115mph, it became all too clear: Our perspective is directly proportional to the heights we’ve climbed and the lows we’ve embraced as our loving teacher.

So, have I been skydiving? Yeah, and it changed me. But, of course, that’s all a lie.

In reality, I haven’t been skydiving. I have lied about going skydiving many times since I was a freshman in high school, though. I’ve done this so often that I almost believed I had jumped out of a plane. I have told that lie so many times that it felt like the truth—only it wasn’t.

I have read about other people skydiving, watched the YouTube videos, studied the psychological effect that it had on the jumpers. All because the idea of free falling fascinates me, and because I wanted my lie to be perfect.

Ask me about what it feels like as you jump and I’ll respond with a spontaneous take on this, “My mind went COMPLETELY BLANK! It was as if someone had pressed some sort of reset button inside my head.” Ask if I was scared and I’ll respond with, “You’re scared and falling and it feels like it does in nightmares. Then something pierces your fear and you remember to just put your arms out like a bird, and then it’s 3 or 10 or 60 seconds where YOU ARE a bird, your arms are out and you’re flying, flying, like you always imagined you could,” a variation of quotes I’ve read from actual skydivers.

We become the lies we live. And that’s just what I’ve been doing, pretending to live an adrenaline packed life by making it look good on paper, but never challenging myself to actually make it so. I have never been skydiving. If I ever told you I had, it was a lie. I’m embarrassed and I apologize for not being truthful. The good news is that I did learn an interesting lesson from it. There’s a difference between wearing the facade of the lie and living the imagined scenario so vividly that you feel like you know it.

The “fake it ’till you make it” axiom is something that I learned early on as a young salesman. You don’t have to be successful to act successful. There’s a fine line in the interpretation of this adage, though. I realize now that faking it until you make it does not mean that you lie and say that you have a big house, a fancy car, or your dream job. Lying is the opposite of what a successful person would do. Faking it until you make it means that you embody the character of your idea of a successful person before you have acquired the physical manifestation which that character brings.

That, of course, requires that you define what success looks like to you. And this is where you can discover the truth you want to live. When people say they want to be successful, they often cite having a lot of money, or lavish things. Usually the psychological reasons go deeper than just wanting luxury, though. This is where an inquisitive mind can help you identify what you really want.

Why do you want a lot of money? Why do you want to be labeled successful? Who do you want to consider you a success? Why does their approval matter? All of these questions will help you better identify the things that you want in life. And knowing what you want is the first step towards getting it.

The problem is that we are innately impatient. Often times we are lazy. And we are prideful to our own detriment. So, rather than wait for the manifestation of our dreams, we fall into the trap of creating lies that will make it appear that we have already achieved them. I’m great at doing this, almost pathological. The issue is that by claiming I’ve already done something, the natural motivation to do it is removed. The universal flow is interrupted. And energy is misplaced, having to be directed towards protecting the lie, as opposed to actually living the dream.

There is a place for delusion, though. And that’s what makes intentional life creation and manifestion tricky. To manifest reality, you need to envision something so thoroughly that you believe you’ve already experienced it. You need to imagine what your dream would feel like so intensely that your cellular structure actually starts to believe it as reality.

We see what this looks like when we look closely at top-performing athletes. As part of their training regiment, they will run their entire event in their mind, imagining what it feels like to run an event perfectly. Under observation it has been shown that their muscles actually fire as though they were really running the event. This is helpful delusion when your intention is to break a world record.

Of less benefit is creating a deception in your mind and then lying to everyone by saying you’ve already achieved something you haven’t. When you lie like this you ruin any of the natural energy or momentum that would create seemingly miraculous synchronicities to help manifest your dream into reality. Luck really is when preparation meets opportunity; but you rarely experience preparation, opportunity, or the synchronicity that the two create when you are not living your truth.

When I think about how many times an amazing opportunity or experience has been born out of my own honest innocence, I have to scratch my head as to why I ever thought living any other way would be beneficial. People love to help you, especially if it’s your first time. It’s the virgin syndrome—if you’re looking for it, people love to be a part of your first attempt at almost anything, because they remember how memorable their first time was, and they want you to have a chance to feel the same way.

You’re not in a place of receiving when you lie. You are in a place of carefully protecting the lie. And therefore you shut off the natural energies and people that would otherwise hold your hand the whole way until you were living your dream with ease. We never learn anything by pretending we know all of the answers. Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is ask for help.

What lies are you telling? What can you learn about what you really want from them? Can you release your lies and start living your truth?

My skydiving lie taught me that what I really want is for life to be an adventure. For each day to be as exciting as free fall. To stare my fears in the face and laugh.

That’s the truth I want to be living. Now, who wants to jump out of a plane?

Damp apartments reeking of week old take out and stale booze. Seedy street corners blocked from memory because of actions unthinkable. After-hour bar bathroom stalls covered in filth. Dark bedrooms filled with demonic shadows of a hallucinogenic mind. These are the welcoming arms of rock bottom; a place where with the right kind of eyes one can find salvation. When we accept our position in life, we learn to rise above it. We find our integrity.

The early part of my life and much of my more recent past has been chalk full of lies, deceit, fear, and shame. Yet, I wouldn’t change it for the world. When I was in the midst of having to watch someone I loved try and commit suicide, nearly drinking and drugging myself to death on multiple occasions, or watching drivers try and take advantage of me while I was hitch-hiking; I was learning some of my most valuable lessons. Reality is a mirror that shows us how we live.

I’ve spent much of my life trying to protect others’ feelings at the expense of my own. I had savior syndrome. I wanted to save them. I’ve always stayed in jobs, relationships (romantic and otherwise), and religions far longer than I knew I should; and they have typically spiraled into some dramatic tailspin that ended up hurting everyone involved. Sub-consciously I’ve been saying, “I don’t want to hurt you or create drama, so I’m going to lie to you about how I feel because it’s more convenient.” Then I would wonder why I felt cheated, used, or stuck. I wasn’t following my gut.

Lying to spare someone from feeling hurt is still a lie. Lying to prevent a dramatic exchange just delays the inevitable. How often do we choose to go against our intuition, our gut instinct, because we don’t want to hurt another person? How many times does the fear of short-term drama create long-term problems? When we don’t act from our own integrity, we cannot expect others to act from theirs. If we are not being honest with ourselves, how can we ever expect honest outcomes to manifest in our life?

When we say, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” and act outside of integrity by living a lie, this is a form of control. This is us projecting our worldview onto another. It is us saying that we know better than God, Source, The Universe, or the individual what lesson they should be learning and how they should be learning it. Who are we to tell them what their life lessons should be right now or ever?

When we try to protect someone’s feelings by acting outside of our integrity, we are skewing the path that would leave all parties concerned in a better place. How many lessons have you learned out of tragedy, out of pain, out of despair? How often has a terrible breakup led to an amazing new relationship? How often does leaving a job that wasn’t a true passion lead to amazing new opportunities? Who gives us the authority to say that our lie is healthier than seeking the truth in all things? We cease to evolve when we are living a lie. We discount the value in synchronicity when we are not in alignment with it. You cannot please all people, all the time; but you can act out of love, follow your excitement, and live your integrity.

When we act out of love, we wear our truth on our lapel. We keep our integrity front and center. We act out of honesty and see the perfection in those before us no matter who they might be. Living your integrity is showing those before you the respect they deserve. And by living our truth, we inspire others to do the same. Maybe we don’t do it all the time, but merely striving for integrity is enough to inspire profound change in those around us. Living our truth will sometimes appear to leave someone in temporary pain or discomfort. The famous Hollywood line still rings true, “Truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Yet, we will always obtain more wisdom from hard truths than white lies. As a recovering liar, I can attest to that.

Everyone has their own path to discovering truth. No two paths look alike. Rock bottom inspires honest living because there is nothing to lose; and that’s a brand of truth. The key is to remember that there is never anything to lose no matter your station. There is always a choice. Security is a cage of convenience. It’s an illusion that pins us down. Can you handle the truth? Are you living your integrity?

I’m trying.

Fear is a sultry bitch. We love to flirt with it because it makes us feel something. Fear is comfortable. It gives us a reason to stand stagnant. It justifies us in our inaction. Fear feeds us perfect lies and excuses to keep us content from achieving our greatness. We have to release it, or harbor an enemy that will hold us down in the trenches of deceit.

Over the weekend I took a workshop by medium and channeler, Paul Selig. It was an amazing experience and I’m still processing it all. One of the things we discussed in the group workshop was the necessity to release fear and step into your worth. Easier said than done, but something that I’m very much ready to do. Check out Paul’s latest book, The Book of Love and Creation, for more on the topic of releasing fear and stepping into worth. It’s a great read. If you ever have a chance to attend one of Paul Selig’s workshops, I highly recommend it. The experience was life-changing in many ways.

The first step in releasing fear from your life is, of course, identifying that which you are afraid of. In our workshop, The Guides reminded us how important self-interrogation is in stepping into worth. You might be afraid to end a relationship that you don’t feel is right for you at this point in your life, but ask yourself what the underlying fear is. What is the root fear that is bubbling up into the surface level fears which manifest in your reality?

Here are some of the things that I am afraid of:

• Hurting other people’s feelings
• Not creating because of fear of failure, or not believing I can create something great
• That people wil look down on me if I cannot provide for myself
• That I won’t be able to provide for myself
• That I will disappoint others
• That I won’t know the answer to something
• That I will get what I want, but become something that I hate (“evil”)
• That I will be misunderstood
• That I won’t understand someone or something
• That I won’t achieve the manifestation of greatness I feel within me
• That I won’t find the love I’m searching for
• That I’ll say something that makes someone else hurt themselves (suicide, etc)
• That I won’t be accepted as I am
• That I’ll make a mistake that I cannot recover from
• That getting what I desire will feel like a lot of work and be a drag until it manifests
• That I’ll be uncovered as a fraud
• That someone might think I’m stupid
• That someone else will do what I want to do better than I could do it
• That the “responsibility” that comes with the power I desire will be burdensome
• That I won’t express myself or my love fully
• That there might be things I can’t be awesome at doing
• That I might settle for something less than my expectation of greatness

What a list! Before making this, I didn’t even realize that I was carrying so much fear. In The Book of Love and Creation, the words speak of out-picturing, the idea that your fears and beliefs manifest in the reality before you. Therefore, you can learn about your current state of consciousness by merely observing your current reality. If there are things that frighten you, upset you, or aggravate you, then this is the out-picturing of your consciousness. It is a way to better understand your belief systems. “A map of those things that are tethering you to fear.”

Fortunately, we don’t have to hold on to these things. We can release them by putting forth proper intention. The Book of Love and Creation gives us an intention that we can use to release fear from our lives:

“I am now choosing to release myself from those fears that have kept me in limitation. I am now aware that I no longer am required to create from my fear in order to self-identify with who I thought I was. I am now free of those fears that have created my experience in ways that I am willing to let go of. And I am choosing now to relinquish the need to engage with them in my consciousness. I am free. I am free. I am free. I am Word through this intention. Word I am Word.”

For me, this was an eye-opening and powerful exercise and process. Too often we allow fear to run our lives, instead of claiming our own worth. What are you afraid of? Can you find a way to release it and move forward in your own worthiness? The Book of Love and Creation by Paul Selig gets a strong stamp of approval from me. I would highly recommend it and his workshops to anyone looking to find their own worth, step into it, and create greatness.

The Book of Love and Creation: A Channeled Text

by Paul Selig [Tarcher]

I’ve been spending much of my time this week working on a larger piece—maybe a novella, maybe a novel, maybe a memoir, but a bigger “piece” for certain. I like what I’m doing with it and want to keep my focus there while it feels right. That said, the show must go on! I’ll be sharing a few pieces that I wrote back in late 2010. This piece was written just a month before I went to work for Google, and right around the time that I had just taken a stint of sobriety. It’s very interesting to look back at my state of mind, then. I was on the right track, or at least heading in the right direction. There’s certainly the shedding of old beliefs in exchange for new, though at the time this was written, I was having trouble fully believing what I was preaching, so to speak.

In just over two years, I’ve made some huge changes in my life, all for the better. I fully believe in our ability to create the world around us. This piece from the past just goes to show that when you keep your focus on something, it gets bigger and bigger, until it manifests as the reality that you see, touch, and experience in all its glory. It also shows us how often our worry is misguided. I’ve come a long way. This piece was a turning point for me.

What were you thinking two years ago? How has it manifested today? What are you thinking today? It will become your tomorrow.

Perfectly cooked and ready to be served

by Jon Ray, 2010

Paranoia and dread are, regrettably, my go-to emotions in times of distress. Naturally, I try to keep a positive outlook—maybe everyone’s still getting ready? Of course, they’ll call me when they want to head out! I am well-liked, right? But, I can rarely convince myself that there is actually a logical explanation that might put my mind at ease. Instead, I start hypothesizing in apocalyptic scenarios that revolve around my fictitious ability to scare away everyone I care about from my life.

There is a pang in the pit of my stomach that I can’t get rid of for the life of me. It’s 9:30pm and I’ve been fully dressed to go out for over an hour, now. For 60 full minutes, I have been nervously biding my time in my apartment, waiting for someone—anyone—to call or text me with plans for the evening. In between handfuls of puppy chow—a leftover holiday treat of chocolate, peanut butter, and powdered sugar over Chex mix—I incessantly check each of the clocks in my house. Not 60-minutes ago, I sent out a flood of text messages expressing my interest in attending Austin’s coveted Free Week in the Red River District. Yet, here I sit in a new pair of jeans—begging to be shown off—staring at my phone on it’s charger, willing it with every ounce of supernatural power I have in me to ring. Ring, dammit!

I turn the television on and flip to the local news station. Was there a terrorist attack that I don’t know about? No, I would have seen something about that on Twitter. Maybe a cellular tower went down. I’ve always said that those blinking red lights aren’t going to glow forever. The second they go out, every airplane in a 50-mile radius is going to inadvertently make a bee line right for an antenna, taking out all mobile communication in the greater metropolitan area. Then we’ll all be fucked, because we’ve forgotten how to communicate without a smart phone. No. Again, I would have read about it on Twitter. Forewarning of the impending Armageddon will not come from mainstream media, but from Twitter. The religious right will retweet the return of their Lord, who will arrive on the wings of a tiny blue bird.

Anxiety consumes me and I start organizing the books in my room based on author, subject matter, and the emotional impact the book had on me. I’m contemplating if it’s appropriate to place Marley & Me with Why Do Men Have Nipples? (I only read the first half of the book—before the dog dies), when I jump and run towards the sound of my Marimba ringtone. I have the phone halfway to my my ear, when I realize that it’s my brother’s phone, not mine. No one has called me—I am frantic. A wave of depression falls over me and I sink into the couch.No one wants to invite me to happy hour, anymore. I’m a sober loser. This is why people join churches. I don’t want to have to resort to organized religion to have friends! Please, somebody call me back!

I’m too distraught to effectively argue which had more of an emotional impact on me, A Farewell to Arms or The Ice Storm, so I just throw them onto the pile of books that is now covering the floor of my room. I need mindless busy work. I need someone to call me and reaffirm that I am someone desirable. I need to learn how to be alone with myself and stop letting outside opinions determine how I feel. I need a drink. Fuck.

The elevator is cold, as I ride it downstairs to get a coffee from the barista station in the lobby. I think about hitting the emergency button to see if someone with a sexy voice will answer. I’ve always been fascinated by couples that have a great story around how they met. “My parachute wouldn’t come out, so I had to deploy the backup. Damn thing yanked me two miles from my plotted landing point and I sprained both my ankles when I hit the ground. But, then I looked up and there she was, pretty as a God damned peach, I tell ya. I fell in love right then and there.” Faking an emergency in a freight elevator isn’t a near-death parachute accident, but with the right phrasing, it could pass as exciting and romantic. The elevator door opens before I can attempt the call, though, and I walk out never knowing if the love of my life was on the other end of the line.

While the barista machine dispenses my coffee, I check to make sure my phone is on, which, of course, it is. The screen is shattered, but other than diminished visibility, the phone has been working fine. I’m baffled as to why I have been kept out of the loop for this evening’s plans. I almost concede to break one of my own rules and send out a second text message before I receive a response from my first text, but decide I’m not, yet, that desperate.

When it comes to text message etiquette, I have a lot of stupid rules I try and follow: 1) Never send a second text message until the recipient has responded to the first. You don’t want to seem desperate, as if you’ve put your life on hold, anxiously awaiting for their response, even though that is always the case in my fragile mental state. The greater part of my life is spent waiting for people to respond to my text messages. 2) Never send a text—or make a call for that matter—when you’re drunk. Until my recent sobriety, I broke this rule on a nightly basis, which always led to me breaking all of my other rules. 3) No weird or cutesy abbreviations. Maybe I’m a purest, but I can’t do abbreviations. Things like, “ur, lol, l8r, etc.” were fine for AIM chat and T9 phones, but when you’re holding a miniature computer in your hands (i.e. a smart phone), there is no reason not to be typing out full words and thoughts. 4) Never apologize or break up with someone via text message. If you’ve done something that warrants an apology, then it is appropriate to man up and make a phone call. This rule used to read, “then it is appropriate to man up and tell them face-to-face,” but it got to the point where I was having to apologize and “break up” with so many people that the logistics of it all just didn’t make sense. Thus, the rule was amended to allow for a phone call. 5) Don’t make a list of text message etiquette and then refuse to follow your own advice. Maybe if I had followed these rules more closely, I would have plans for the evening. As of now, my phone has yet to ring. I return to my apartment to sulk.

Guided meditation has brought people back from the depths of cancer, disease, and heartache, so I decide it might bring me some sense of comfort, this evening. Even though I’ve already meditated for over an hour, today, centering myself seems more productive than pouting, and I pull out one of my meditation CDs from the self-help section of my floor-to-ceiling bookshelf. Breathe in—and out. Breathe in—and out. I’m new to the whole meditation thing, and though I try and clear my mind, focusing on the music and my breathing, I can’t help but think the whole thing is a farce, designed to trick unstable psychotics into thinking they are feeling better. But, it works. The deeper I breathe, the more oxygen my lungs pull in, creating a sense of euphoria that flows throughout my entire body. I don’t need validation. I am a strong and confident person. I can have anything I desire. Everything I give my attention to is manifesting itself in my life. I am happy and at ease. It’s easy to get lost in positive affirmations, but when the guided CD comes to an end, I’m once again reminded that no one wants to hang out with me.

Normally, I advise against people sleeping in cotton blazers. But, for those privy to the pleasures of escapism, one cannot be bothered with the intricacies of removing clothing. So, I find myself falling asleep, fully dressed, hoping the dream world will provide me with the social stimulation that I so desperately crave. I’m shocked when I wake up to find it is already 3am. I check my phone for missed calls, but find nothing. Dual depression sets in. Not only have I lost all of my friends, but instead of finding a creative outlet for my ill emotional state, I chose to run from it, searching and failing at finding comfort in unconsciousness. Life is meant to be lived in the present. Problems should be faced head-on. I pull out my journal to write down statements of gratitude. I am comfortable being alone with myself. I find happiness inwardly. I’m a star. I’m a star. I’m a big shining star. Sometimes I channel characters that Mark Wahlberg has played when I’m affirming myself.

After listing the positive qualities in myself and those I want to be close to, my spirits are somewhat raised. Enough that I’m able to get out of bed and make myself dinner. As I’m preparing my food, it dawns on me that life is not so different from the recipes I’m staring at on the Martha Stewart website. We all have access to the same ingredients, the outcome of our life is merely dictated in how we decide to put them together. Some of us opt for light meals that can be ready in 20-minutes or less, while others find that there is joy in the preparation of a more hearty and fulfilling cuisine. I note that I am the later of the two. I would much rather put extended time and effort into the preparation to see a final outcome that is both satisfying and momentous. All of the heartache, stress, and doubt that I’ve felt in my life is not detrimental, but necessary—a baking period on medium heat that seems painful when confined to a lonely oven, but is substantial and delicious, once fully cooked and shared with friends. I am one of Martha Stewart’s finest recipes—the newest addition to her collection of food favorites. Instead of languidly staring at the ingredients my life has afforded me, I only need to combine them in a mixing bowl, set them to cook, garnish their edges, and enjoy the experience I have created.

As I sit down to revel in this new outlook and dine on the food I have prepared for myself, I pull out my phone to post my new oracle of the heart to Facebook and Twitter via text message. On the cracked and barely visible screen of my iPhone, I choose my words carefully, “Life can be delicious, if you will only take the time and effort to make it so.” Pressing send, I am energized and upbeat. New possibility circles around me, and that’s when I see it—the almost comical reason behind my evening of self-discovery. Under cracked glass a message appears, “You must disable airplane mode to send or receive messages.”

Bowled over is the best way to describe what I am currently feeling. I disable airplane mode and my phone goes into a conniption fit of missed calls, text messages, and voicemail. I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I can’t figure out if I should laugh or cry, and end up trembling with elation. I am such a ridiculous mess! A beautiful mess, but a mess, none the less. I thumb through each text message, incredulous that I spent the evening in such a state of worry. Upset, but relieved, that I could have spent the night out with so many amazing people. I set my plate down, considering the roller coaster of emotion I’ve been riding all evening. Perhaps this was for the best. Think of everything you learned. Maybe being alone with yourself isn’t the worst thing in the world. I put my dishes away and retire to my bedroom, this time removing my blazer and changing into something appropriate for sleep, before entering into my bed.

I can create my own well-being. Everything I desire is manifesting itself into my life. I am strong and confident. I am well-prepared, perfectly cooked, and ready to be served. My life is delicious. Maybe these affirmations aren’t so bad, after all.